Chances are that you've read something on the internet that made you feel enraged.

There is a fairly widespread understanding that the internet makes people disrespectful and unempathetic. However, we should consider a slightly more nuanced theory.

How we treat other people on the internet shows us how little respect and empathy we have in the first place.

The ego’s internal monologue is always coming up with fresh ways to dislike, ignore, or co-opt other people. This process is running constantly regardless of the media of interaction. “How can I make this person go away?” “How can I make them agree with me?” “How I wish they didn’t exist at all!”

We are so eager to fit other people into our story and what we want that we completely miss what they are actually showing us. Most of us have ways we attempt to hide or extinguish these thoughts as they arise during in-person interactions, but they inevitably break through anyway via subtleties in our tone and body language.

Writing an email or participating in an online discussion can be taken as a mirror and remedy for our poor regard for others. If we give ourselves a little space, then we have the long and slow opportunity to write a sentence, feel into its authenticity, and reconsider if necessary. I suggest trying this, if only once per day.

Pick one message or post and reflect directly on each and every word. Where am I trying to control the situation? Where am I trying to build myself up? Where am I likely giving into another person’s energy at the expense of my own?

Be gentle and have some fun with this. It’s incredible – even hilarious – how many little hooks there can be in one simple email!

Electronic communication offers us a special opportunity to notice and correct our self-centered speech before it goes out into the world. The “send” button is a physical extension of the energetic gateway in the throat center. Make use of it! We could choose to neither leave the gates wide open for every vapid emotion to tumble through, nor keep them barred tight to the point where our communication is all but dead.

How do we truly take this step when text communications are so impersonal and ripe for misinterpretation? I’ll be exploring this further as I share some simple tips for both reading and writing that help to avoid unnecessary offense and nasty fallout.

Next up: Suggestions for a Contemplative Internet Etiquette.

The average person we encounter on the internet is paranoid, untrustworthy, bigoted, arrogant, misinformed, and has poor hygiene. Except, that is, when they agree with us!

When we really look closely at how we interact with people online – especially people we don’t know in person – it’s hard to feel that we are being particularly mindful or open. We simply don’t seem to be wired that way. We like people, sure, until they disagree with us or call us out . How ignorant of them! How dare they? We are curious to understand their views, a little, but we’re even more eager to spread the light of our own (see this post).

A lot has been said about this topic, but far too little of it has come from a grounded understanding of relationships. Consider this a momentary introduction to the realm of mindful online communication.

In a way, online interactions actually offer us a huge gift for working with ourselves. When we initiate or respond to an online communication we are not beholden to the same constraints of space and time that provide the container for face-to-face interactions. Nobody will read our body language and it doesn’t matter so much how long we take.

The nihilistic response here is to “do whatever we want.” Who cares what this other person thinks or feels? They’re barely even real.

A more wholesome approach is to take the extra time and space available as an invitation to look directly at our thoughts and feelings as they arise and seem to stick around. Does this communication make us feel something? Anxious? Frustrated? Tired? Enthusiastic? Satisfied?

As with all relationships, we can take the opportunity to look directly at these online experiences as the reactive process they are. Something has triggered us. This is not the fault of the other person or the situation – it is ours to own. We can use a relationship to let go of judgments, which are always harmful, and sink more deeply into our own authentic experience. Another opportunity for Contemplative Computing.

Have you ever been in the middle of staring at your email inbox, reading an article, or browsing Facebook, only to experience a sharp and sudden intake of breath? Chances are you were hunched over a bit. Perhaps you take the moment to straighten up and “come back to yourself” before continuing what you were doing.

One thing many people fail to notice when it comes to mindfulness at the computer is the breath. Strangely, even people who meditate or do yoga regularly – those who have a strong awareness of natural breathing cycles – still find themselves holding the breath for excessively long periods when working in front of a screen.

In my understanding, the reasons for this are simple. When faced with the sleek, responsive, and endlessly informative display of a modern operating system our awareness shoots up through the head and out the eyes. This heady, conceptual kind of awareness is called shen in Chinese Medicine. When we become lost in the head – the heavenly, idealized world of our computer programs – we correspondingly forget what’s going on in the body.

One of the most powerful “contemplative computing” habits we can cultivate is maintaining mindfulness of the breath even as we are reading and typing messages, one after the other. Be gentle with yourself. Complete precision is a nearly impossible goal in this case. The important thing is check back as often as we can in a relaxed manner to make sure the breath continues.

Why do this? Well there are internal benefits of feeling grounded and relaxed that come from cultivating a relationship with the breath. Additionally, holding the breath results in decreased oxygen flow to the brain, an important organ for writing emails! It also tends to engage the sympathetic nervous system and release stress signals into the body.

The more relaxed we can remain while using the internet, the clearer and more uplifted our communication will be, and the better we’ll feel to boot!

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