Contemplative Computing

The average person we encounter on the internet is paranoid, untrustworthy, bigoted, arrogant, misinformed, and has poor hygiene. Except, that is, when they agree with us!

When we really look closely at how we interact with people online – especially people we don’t know in person – it’s hard to feel that we are being particularly mindful or open. We simply don’t seem to be wired that way. We like people, sure, until they disagree with us or call us out . How ignorant of them! How dare they? We are curious to understand their views, a little, but we’re even more eager to spread the light of our own (see this post).

A lot has been said about this topic, but far too little of it has come from a grounded understanding of relationships. Consider this a momentary introduction to the realm of mindful online communication.

In a way, online interactions actually offer us a huge gift for working with ourselves. When we initiate or respond to an online communication we are not beholden to the same constraints of space and time that provide the container for face-to-face interactions. Nobody will read our body language and it doesn’t matter so much how long we take.

The nihilistic response here is to “do whatever we want.” Who cares what this other person thinks or feels? They’re barely even real.

A more wholesome approach is to take the extra time and space available as an invitation to look directly at our thoughts and feelings as they arise and seem to stick around. Does this communication make us feel something? Anxious? Frustrated? Tired? Enthusiastic? Satisfied?

As with all relationships, we can take the opportunity to look directly at these online experiences as the reactive process they are. Something has triggered us. This is not the fault of the other person or the situation – it is ours to own. We can use a relationship to let go of judgments, which are always harmful, and sink more deeply into our own authentic experience. Another opportunity for Contemplative Computing.